Updated: Dec 28, 2022
When speaking about the feminine, all kinds of emotions pop up. For some a fear and resistance that it conflicts with their inner sense of identity. For others it brings up a connection with power or a lack of it.
Almost always attributing the words masculine or feminine to the gender we are born with; identify with; and/or live our lives by.
Imagine for a moment that the feminine or femininity wasn’t about wearing dresses, sobbing over a romantic movie, a sensuous smell or delightfully giggling at puppies. What if that was simply an expression of being?
It isn't something that is easy to box into clear lines, but I believe giving space for the feminine means giving space to embody and be present with what is currently happening in your life. It is a slowing down to feel into the experience of being, tuning into intuition. But also stepping into a more vulnerable place of surrender, receiving, and being held. And this doesn't mean by default anyone other than you, but it can.
Femininity, on the other hand, is an expression of being. An energy that is emitted that is about knowing who you are, and owning all parts of yourself. Taking time to truly understand the fluidity of your human nature, expression, and your uniquely continuous flux between Female and Male energies (more on that below). Courageously facing your truth in the presence of fears. Welcoming and embracing it by increasing your ability to tune into and connect with what’s going on inside so that you know what you need. Then taking all that you learn as feedback, so you can take the steps you need to be agile in life, let your voice be heard, and feel into the life you want.
The feminine is only part of the story. Each and every one of us have two types of energy. Throughout history, people have referred to it in all kinds of ways. Some call it Yin and Yang; others Surrender and Direction; some call it our Female and Male energies or Feminine and Masculine energies. I use the latter two, as a basis for my explanations.
What do I mean exactly?
If we take our Male energy to be our focused, more linear side. The head. This is the side of us that travels a straight road between point A and B; where we focus without distractions; where we are a strong force forward, directly towards our goals. It wants to feel free.
Then our Female energy is our creative, more random side. The body. A side full of intuition and potential; inclusiveness; and the ability to impact our world from within the self (Love). It wants to feel safe.
In the most generic and practical ways I can explain it, it’s like the difference between following step by step pre-set instruction, and brainstorming up a better way. Working hard and doing great at everything that is expected of you, versus coming up with brilliant, out of the box, ideas to improve things even when it's not requested. It’s following a recipe line by line, tablespoon by tablespoon, versus choosing to create something new with the ingredients you have, guided by what feels right. It’s taking the shortest, fastest, most logical route to work, versus taking a more scenic route because it’s prettier.
Remember that neither is better than the other. Thinking of it from a super high level, imagine if you live out your life mostly in your masculine energy, you might spend it narrowly focused, running towards a goal without much reflection - and lose touch with the body and life energy that nourishes you. If you exist mainly in your feminine, you might get stuck in a chaos of continuous creation mode, constantly distracted by new inspirations and completing very little. While both energies are extremely powerful when manifested inside of us, they both need each other to keep in balance.
The balance interlude...
What is the right balance, you might ask. I’m careful about how I use the word balance. I feel it’s often misused in describing a measurement of happiness or life. As life is never in constant balance. It’s a continuous flowing movement forward in time, where we are invited to create awareness about our needs in order to function in the most loving, agile way. Due to this constant evolution of life, I don’t believe that it can be balanced. Life doesn’t work like that. The unexpected happens all the time, and you get knocked off course sometimes. You may forget things, get tired, or emotional. You might misread situations; or unintentionally hurt people. And for those moments when you feel in balance within yourself, something externally might require some of your resources, removing some of your buffer.
Finding balance is the right amount of combined harmonious states of being or resources necessary, to be in congruence with whatever it is you are experiencing in the moment.
When our masculine side is not guided and inspired by our feminine, it may go down roads that eventually contain the freedom it's searching for. Especially if we take evidence from how we conduct our political, economic, educational, health care, elderly care, and even spiritual areas of life in today’s society. We can grasp this concept on a larger scale as well. We live in a patriarchal world, and it’s brought us huge innovations. Especially in the last century, where science and technology has moved us, at unexpected speeds, to places we never thought possible. From significantly extending the average human life span, to artificial intelligence, to the convenience of having our clothes made for us, to globe-trotting, to 3D printing organs…etc. The advancements are incredible. Providing us with a wealth of information and solutions for anything you could ever imagine.
But it’s come at a cost. We’ve been fast forwarded into a non-stop information hungry, overly notified, stressed out, burnt out, economically challenged, confused, overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with it all, insecure, judgmental, still at war, addicted to our dopamine providing screens society. OK, breathe.
Don’t get me wrong, like I said, we’ve accomplished amazing and incredible things. Yet in the past hundred years, we’ve increasingly allowed our thirst for power and knowledge, to throw us out of balance as a society as a whole. And it's destroying our planet.
This linear, goal oriented, ambitious focus, is having the last few generations of people, wake up and wonder what happened to their lives. They spent a lifetime running, doing everything they were told they should do, to be happy and content. Instead, they’re left worn out and feeling a kind of void, like something was missing. You hear it time and time again… To top it off, the legacy that is being handed down has wreaked so much havoc on all life that we know of that one can only hope that we are quick to awaken to a more collectively conscious approach.
In today’s world, it’s so important to have an understanding that we all have, and need, our Male and Female energies, to craft a more abundant and varied version of fulfilment. Although I do believe that the world is in transition, a lot of today’s life goals are still geared towards achievement and consumerism. Where we have to actively function within the rules of what is accepted by society. We have to choose appropriate work for our surrounding; in general it’s considered a good thing to have a family; dress a certain way; behave a certain way; it’s better not to be single; All are expected to work a certain amount each week, month, year to escape being called lazy or ostracized. Having too many interests equates to scattered mindedness; there's pressure if we seriously pursue more artistic or creative routes of life as the feeling is that there is no money to be made there, we cannot be too loud or energy abundant without labels, and the list of human created rules goes on... breathe.
Within this construct, exploration of our more female energy is considered OK when you’re young, and "don’t know any better". Apparently, you’re allowed to be random and full of intuitive possibility when you’re young. Once you’ve grown up, whatever that actually means, all of a sudden - Game over, get serious, you’ve made your bed, now sleep in it! It’s often frowned upon to take a risk to switch things up, even if it means you’d be happier. Generally I feel it freaks many people out, their own deepest desires and fears triggered and projected out. Which is OK once you've learned to conquer your own triggered fears, but that's another topic.
The rules seem to translate as once you’re old enough to jump on the boat and join everyone else in this thing called life, there are all kinds of limiting beliefs put up as to what and how you should be doing it. We collectively clip our own wings off. One wing at a time. This is the tune playing in the background for all of us, whatever we choose.
A patriarchal world is not better for anyone. A matriarchal one wouldn’t be either. Both energies need each other to keep everything in check. So I'd like to request progress with a little more conscientious enjoyment – sounds good, wouldn’t you say?
To circle back again. What happens inside of you when you hear the word feminine? Which words, images, fears, emotions, beliefs, resistance, sensations arise inside of you? And how do you ground back into yourself without labels?
Just food for thought.
Juel helps women and non-binary queens re-connect with their inner source of power to create authentic and passionate lives. Creating transformational journeys back to essence.