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What if the parts you hide have something to tell you?
Hello you,
There are parts of ourselves we find easier to show the world.
The capable one. The one who knows what to do. The one who holds it together, understands, accommodates and gets on with things.
And then there are the other parts.
The ones that get angry when we'd rather be understanding. The ones that feel jealous, needy, insecure or afraid. The ones that want to say no when we've already said yes. The ones that want something we don't quite know how to admit.
We push these parts away, judge them, try to understand them, explain them or make them go away.
And yet, I find myself asking, both in my own life and in my work with others:
What if we became curious about them instead?
What if we allowed ourselves to feel what we feel without assuming we need to act on it? What if we loosened our grip on the idea that every impulse tells us the truth about a situation, while still recognising that our reactions can offer us something worth listening to?
Sometimes anger points towards a boundary we haven't acknowledged.
Sometimes jealousy brings us face to face with a desire we've been reluctant to own.
Sometimes the part of us that withdraws, pleases or keeps everything under control is trying, in its own way, to protect us. And sometimes, we simply don't know what any of it means yet. What if we could allow ourselves that uncertainty, too. Not having to arrive at an answer straight away.
A little experiment for you
The next time you notice a reaction in yourself that you'd rather not have, see if you can pause for a moment before trying to change it.
Notice what's happening in your body. Is there a tightening? A heaviness? Heat? An urge to move away, speak up, disappear or do something?
Rather than immediately judging yourself, try asking:
What is happening in me right now, before I make a story about it?
And, if you feel able to stay with the sensations of the experience, let your curiosity take you a little further. What might this part of me be trying to say? What is it trying to prevent, protect or make possible? What does it want me to know? You don't need to find the right answer. You don't even need an answer at all.
For now, the invitation is simply to make a little room for what's here and see what happens when you meet it with interest rather than immediate judgement.
If the experience feels overwhelming, you can always pause. Look around the room. Feel your feet on the ground. Let yourself come back to the present moment.
We can move at our own pace.
Sometimes, the shift begins with what we discover about ourselves. Other times, it begins with the simple experience of meeting ourselves differently.
As Samhain approaches, I've been thinking about the parts of ourselves that live a little further beneath the surface.
The parts we rarely show. The feelings we struggle to make sense of. The desires, fears and impulses that don't always fit with how we see ourselves, or how we'd like to be seen.
I'm drawn to what becomes possible when we give these parts a little more space and begin to listen to what might be there.
This is the territory we'll be exploring in Into the Dark, a Samhain circle: an opportunity to turn towards the less familiar places within ourselves, to get curious about what we find there, and to discover what might unfold when we meet ourselves with a little more openness.
You don't need to arrive with a particular problem to solve or a clear idea of what you're looking for.
Perhaps you simply feel curious about yourself. Perhaps there's something you've been circling around for a while. Or perhaps you want to give yourself the space to listen and see what emerges.
If you'd like to explore this together, you can find more about the Into the Dark Samhain circle here.
Whatever brings you to that threshold, there's something interesting about allowing ourselves to enter with curiosity.
I'll leave you with a question to carry into your week:
What part of yourself have you been trying to change, when you first might try getting to know it?
No need to rush an answer. Sit with it.
One love,
Juel
Juel McNeilly explores how the body shapes the way we experience ourselves, relate to others, and move through the world.
Her work brings together somatic practice and perceptual inquiry to explore the patterns, histories, and assumptions that shape our experience—and what becomes possible when we learn to meet them with greater awareness.
FAQ
What is shadow work?
Shadow work is a way of exploring the parts of ourselves we tend to hide, reject or find difficult to accept. These might be feelings, desires, reactions or ways of being that don't fit with how we see ourselves, or how we believe we should be.
For me, it begins with curiosity. What happens when we become interested in the parts of ourselves we usually judge? What might our reactions reveal about our needs, boundaries, fears or desires? We don't need to find an answer straight away. Sometimes, simply making room for what we notice can open up a different relationship with ourselves.
How can I become more curious about my difficult emotions?
Start by noticing what's happening before rushing to explain it or change it. You might notice anger, jealousy, insecurity or an urge to withdraw. See if you can pause and become aware of what you're experiencing in your body.
You could ask yourself, What is happening in me right now, before I make a story about it?
You don't have to act on what you feel or assume that your first interpretation is the right one. The invitation is to listen, stay open to what you discover and allow yourself not to know for a while.
What if I discover something about myself that I don't like?
This is part of what can make self-exploration feel uncomfortable. We may encounter feelings, desires or reactions that don't fit with the person we believe ourselves to be.
You might try meeting what you discover with a little less judgement and a little more interest. What might be underneath the reaction and experience? Is there something you've been overlooking, protecting or finding difficult to acknowledge?
Understanding a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it, agree with it or make it part of your identity. You can acknowledge what's there and still choose how you respond.
What is Into the Dark, and who is it for?
Into the Dark is a Samhain circle inviting you to explore the less familiar parts of yourself with curiosity and openness. It's an opportunity to make space for the feelings, questions and inner experiences that don't always get our attention in everyday life.
You don't need to arrive with a particular problem to solve or a clear idea of what you're looking for. You might have something you've been circling around for a while, or you might simply feel curious about yourself and what you could discover by giving yourself the space to listen.
If you feel drawn to this exploration, you can find details of the Into the Dark Samhain circle on 31 October 2026 here.
Do I need to have experience with shadow work or self-exploration?
No prior experience is needed to begin becoming curious about yourself. You can start with something as simple as noticing a reaction, paying attention to what happens in your body and allowing yourself to wonder what might be going on.
There is no particular insight you need to reach or version of yourself you need to become. You can take your time, follow your own curiosity and pause whenever you need to. Sometimes, the most meaningful place to begin is simply with a willingness to listen.
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